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All about Sex & Menopause
From D.U.L.L to P.U.R.R
Human sexuality works like an ember. Where other mammals go on-heat, our sex has a low smoulder that can be ignited. From puberty we get an influx of hormones that ignite that ember very easily and through the years of procreative potential those hormones are triggered fairly effortlessly. As the hormone tap gets turned down in menopause we need to learn a new way of interacting with our sexuality. The ember stays burning deep within, but now we need to tend it more consciously than before.
Has your sex drive faded?
Do you look back and remember that beautiful earthy desire welling up inside you, the excitement, the wild danger of it…
The sensual flow over 40 is beset by 4 main obstacles
The Four Horsewomen of the Sexual Apocalypse
DISAPPOINTMENT: We are ageing, Our bodies are changing, we don’t have the same access to energy that we used to have. When we try to engage in sex in the same way we did when hormones were coursing through our bodies in reproductive fervor, we’re doomed to disappointment. We tend to give up on ourselves as sexual beings.
Maybe you imagined when the kids were reared that, at last, you and your partner would ride off into the sunset having all that fabulous sex that babies and toddlers and teenagers had interrupted, only to find that the prancing filly of your hormones has slowed to a dull plod.
We need to relearn the physiognomy of our developing bodies to gain new access to pleasure.
UNCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS: How we think about our role in the world affects how we engage with our sexuality. Unconsciously we may think that a grandmother can’t be passionate, that a mother of teens doesn’t have wild orgasms. Lets test just one example of an unconscious thought right now: Imagine your Granny or your Mum when she was the age you are now, get a picture of her in your imagination. Now imagine that same woman having wild passionate sex… If you even flinch at the thought, you are probably carrying that judgment about yourself deep in your subconscious and that thought is informing your sex life.
We imbibe messages about our sexuality from infancy onwards that affect our entire lives. The rush of hormones can help us override these unconscious influences as the biological drive to procreate takes precedence, however as hormones subside, even before menopause officially starts, these attitudes re-engage and start to dull down our impulse to be sexual.
LIFESTYLE: When does sex happen in your life? For a lot of women it’s between end of TV and sleep. Quick, sleepy sex really fails to nourish our sexuality, when we repeatedly expose ourselves to unsatisfying sex it curbs rather than whets our appetite for more. It may be hard to hear this part… It’s not all your partner’s fault! As women we are physically ‘receptive’ and to get into the zone of sex we need to let go of the ‘doing’ of life to connect with our sexual self. Relaxed Receptivity in a woman is a physiological invitation to sex, the only time in the day when you might be transmitting this is just before you doze off!
LONELINESS: Even in a close loving relationship we can feel lonely in certain aspects of ourselves. As relationships continue that initial hunger for each-other mellows and we can gradually slip out of the habit of sex.
For some women it may not be particularly worrying, but over time you may feel like that vibrant sexy aspect of you has been wrapped up with moth-balls and left in the attic!
Some women find themselves subtly rejecting physical contact for fear that it might lead to unsatisfying sex. This has the effect of banishing even affectionate touch from the relationship and can leave both partners feeling terribly alone.
For many women, when the emotional connection is weak the idea of sex just isn’t appealing and so a cycle of separation is activated.
Women, more than men, have a facility to dull down their sexuality. The first step is to reactivate your relationship with your own sexuality and the access point is your sensuality. As you address this potential vibrance in yourself you naturally open to the possibility of a vibrant sexual relationship.
Disappointment, Unconscious thoughts, busy Lifestyle, and Loneliness
The four horsewomen of the Sexual Apocalypse
Move your sex life from DULLness
to the passionate PURR of a sexually active vital woman
P.U.R.R. The Auspicious Angels of Sexual Delight
Pleasure: Learn the anatomy of arousal, how your sexual body works. Learn how ageing affects your body and how to adapt your lovemaking to experience new kinds of pleasure.
Understanding: Access the unconscious thought forms that are running your attitude to yourself as a sexual being. Learn techniques to release old ideas and embrace a new and realistic sense of yourself.
Relaxed receptivity: Learn really pleasurable ways to prioritise your sexual well being. Exercises that are easy and powerful, discreet and delightful.
Relationship reactivation: The key here is to generate with yourself the relationship template you desire with your lover. We use practical Couple Therapy techniques designed to change cycles of blame, shame and criticism but innovatively we apply them to your relationship with yourself and your sexuality. As you foster acceptance and delight in your sensual self you will start to suffuse all your relationships with that same energy.
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